by Shaky Parkinson
The tyrants were out in force last night for the thirteenth annual Dictatathon. A grand time was reportedly had by all and the event went down like a well-planned missile attack.
The Dictatathon raised £340million USD for VICTIMS, (Victims of Internal Collapse Triggered by Insane Monetary Shock) a charity set up for deposed military leaders who have been unjustly dethroned by their people. The fund was established in 1998 to help rehabilitate these unappreciated souls back into normal life by keeping them accustomed to the luxuries that only fear can bring.
Renowned cunt Sebastian Coe who was brought in to chair the Charity was joyful at the success, expressing that, "This is the most profitable one yet, I raised loads of sexy cash and casualties didn't break UN regulations. Win."
One stern faced benefactor and beneficiary stated, "We are here to help ourselves, no one else will. We are forced to eek a living on the fringes of society and global law. Without this fund many of us would only have three palaces and a handful of wives."
This touching comment was later drooled upon, "No one loves us. Bastards. No one cares about the number of overthrown rulers dying of monetary shock these days. The figures have yet to be made up but they are staggering and sickening. Speaking of which where's the bathroom."
Last nights festivities featured the usual skits and antics that were kicked off by the traditional firing squad execution and ended with the obligatory snog. This years short straw lovers Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Hu Jintao are said to have thoroughly enjoyed the experience but have no plans to copulate.
VICTIMS has currently raised over 7Billion USD for the aid of overthrown dictators in a bid to dampen the impact of returning to everyday existence. Their mission statement of 'Phone by Fear' has been a success hit and is planned to be adopted by mainstream businesses.
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